The Fear

I’ve had difficulty accepting what the Supreme Court has just done. I was angry because I naively believed they would not essentially make the presidency a de facto king. I was furious because I wanted Joe Biden to do something… anything to upend this ruling that effectively gives him so much power to do pretty much anything he likes. But that isn’t going to happen.

After sleeping on it and not having a very good conversation with my wife in the morning, during which I started yelling slightly incoherently, I have a somewhat better take. I need to hear more analysis from legal scholars who’ve had more than a few hours to read the decision. Reading randos on Twitter and pundits on MSNBC fill the universe with unhinged musings is not worthwhile.

My goal until we know who will be President is to avoid panic over political matters, especially this year. A catatonic Joe Biden would be a better president than Donald Trump, and I think there’s plenty of time for the roller coaster of American politics to go up and down, upside down, and round and round. 

This is uncharted territory. So many things can change. Millions of possible scenarios are on the table. Things changed a lot the day Trump was convicted of 34 felonies. It changed a great deal the night Joe Biden seemed lost at the first debate. There will be more of these moments.

Most importantly, I’ve figured out what has been gnawing at the edges of my brain that I could not correctly articulate earlier. Since the decision, I’ve read a few articles on how terrible this Supreme Court ruling is and listened to a podcast that calmly asks Biden to pack the court and dare someone to say no. 

However, after reading Wil Wheaton’s recent writing about the decision, it became crystal clear to me what this dark, wet blanket feeling wrapped around my soul is.

In the pointless parlor game of ‘What can Joe Biden Do, Now That He’s Above The Law’ (as if he ever would), everyone is missing the central message I took from yesterday’s ruling: SCOTUS is going to install Trump as dictator for life, by any means necessary. Somehow, after he loses the popular vote again, and after he’s even lost the Electoral College again, these six Fascists will invent a reason to overturn the will of the electorate, again, even if they have to invent law to do so. Every single one of their rulings this term have been part of their coup. Now, just line them all up and connect the dots.

This is what I fear.

I don’t know what Joe Biden can do with his newfound powers to ensure a safe, accurate, and protected election, but he should immediately gather the most brilliant people in a room and discuss it. 

Because if Donald Trump wins, we won’t have a democracy.

The Blank Page

I have so many notebooks filled with nothing. I have a fear of messing them up, so they sit there blank.

It’s a completely irrational fear.

When I eliminate the fear to start creating and crank up the belief that something’s gonna show up, it’s way more likely to happen. It’s almost like I’m manifesting what I want, by the sheer act of creating.

Whatever your creative jam, push the fear aside and just do it. Book that recording studio. Open the Google Doc. Schedule a blog post. Make sure the whiteboard is always visible. Buy more blank canvasses than you need.

Blank pages are begging to be filled, and having them around makes a world of difference.

Go create.

A Bridge Too Far

Donald Trump, the former president of the United States, was found guilty of all 34 felony counts during his New York trial. This is the first of several criminal proceedings to reach a conclusion, and it’s almost certain to be the only one before the November election. The jury had been out only a few days, but it was still an extremely suspenseful situation.

In a world of strong partisanship, from the Supreme Court to brothers in the same family, it was not a foregone conclusion that Trump would be found guilty. My wife and I debated about what might happen if, ultimately, it was a hung jury. Trump surely would call it an acquittal even though that would have been incorrect. He would have said he beat the corrupt Biden administration, and he’ll do it again in November. Luckily, what we have instead are front pages of newspapers across the globe with GUILTY or variations thereof across the front.

There was uncertainty among the pundits over what the jury’s decision was going to be following the closing arguments. No one really knew what was going to happen. I certainly hoped they would find him guilty, but I wasn’t so sure. I mean, of course, he committed the crimes he is accused of committing. His open and blatant criminality is evident in practically everything he touches. Still, a guilty verdict wasn’t a given. There was a non-zero chance of the jury being unable to come to a verdict or, worse, voting to acquit Trump simply because he was Trump.

Like many people who followed the trial, I felt a sense of relief after the guilty verdict came down. However, I think everyone who understands the legal ramifications understands that this isn’t over. In many ways, it’s just the beginning. The guilty verdict, although significant and welcomed, is not definitive or final.

There’s also the question of sentencing in July, just days before the Republican National Convention. Questions remain regarding the severity of the punishment and whether Trump is going to prison. Who knows what Judge Merchan will do? I think Trump is likely not going to get jail time and instead be confined to his home in Florida, but what do I know?

What I really want to do is just sit and luxuriate in “Convicted Felon Donald Trump,” but I know it’s just the start of months of real worry. How will Trump’s campaign and Trump respond? How will the Republican Party, which prides itself on being the party of law and order, respond to this? How will Democrats take advantage of this event or fail to do so? The answers to these questions and the question of whether this verdict will put an end to Trump’s political career remain unanswered.

Many people will still support him despite the overwhelming evidence that he is guilty of criminal corruption. Those people cannot be turned. They’re in the Trump cult and they can only be defeated at the ballot box.

Trump stood in front of the cameras as soon as he was released from the courtroom and repeated the same lie that he repeats each time he loses. “It was rigged.” Trump’s inability to deal with reality is never going to change. In every instance, he uses the same tired argument. He continues to live in a bubble of Kellyanne Conway’s “alternative facts.”

Trump is unable to show remorse because doing so would show weakness. In his world, if he doesn’t admit defeat, he will always be able to say he won.

However, this strategy has stopped working. He keeps losing.

Here’s the tally since he hit the “inside straight” to win the presidency in 2016. He lost:

• The 2018 Midterms
• The 2020 Presidential election
• The 2020 Senate race
• The 2022 Midterms
• The 2022 Trump Organization Fraud Case
• The 2023 and 2024 E. Jean Carroll Lawsuits
• The 2023/2024 New York State Fraud Lawsuit

Plus, the other indictments that are on the way are virtual slam-dunks against him, especially if he continues his losing ways and Biden wins reelection in November.

With this felony conviction, I think there are enough Americans voting on the 5th of November or earlier to ensure that Joe Biden defeats Donald Trump. When the population actually starts paying attention, I think voting for a felon will be a bridge too far. Sure, there are those who won’t care and who love him because of his corruption, racism, banality, and loathsomeness. However, I don’t think there are enough of the cultists out there for him to win.

The bottom line is Donald Trump is a convicted felon awaiting sentencing. He will appeal, but there doesn’t seem to be many grounds for appeal. He’s going to be a loser. Again.

Of course, I don’t want to get ahead of myself. I’m sure this year’s election will be just as much of a nail-biter as last time. But for now, I’ll try to put it aside and just enjoy the relief of a guilty verdict.

Still, I can’t wait for November.

Unleash Your Inner Awesomeness

In sporadic periods of my life, I’ve felt awesome. Good examples include when I broke the four-mile record at Illinois College, holding my daughter in my arms, marrying my wife, and other similar awesome events. However, for the most part, I’m not awesome, nor do I feel awesome.

I’m actually pretty introverted. I’m not a big self-expression guy. I don’t wear loud clothes or have a huge personality. But lately, I’ve been thinking it might be worthwhile to embrace my inner awesomeness.

Undoubtedly, being awesome holds an abundance of self-expression and personal growth opportunities waiting to be unlocked.

I’m reminded of the television show, How I Met Your Mother. One of the leads, Barney Stinson, played by Neil Patrick Harris, has a line that is trite and silly but also has a kernel of truth to it, “When I get sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead! True story.” To be fair, I’m not sad, but you can easily substitute sad with any other emotion.

For me, being awesome is all about stepping outside of your comfort zone and embracing the awkward, the silly, and the downright ridiculous. It’s about defying the norms and societal expectations and giving yourself permission to be authentically you. By doing so, we grant ourselves permission to explore uncharted territories and discover hidden talents and passions. It’s like a rollercoaster ride of self-discovery, where you unleash your inner awesomeness and let it shine for the world to see.

For many years, I was chained down by self-doubt. It still has a good foothold with me. But I know what I need to do to break the chains and be more vulnerable and open to new experiences.

Unleashing my inner awesomeness means having fun and not taking myself so seriously. To do that, I’m breaking out of my comfort zone by trying new things such as writing here regularly. Whether it’s trying a new hobby, taking on a challenging project, or engaging in conversations that push boundaries, embracing the unknown can lead to remarkable personal transformation. Moreover, being awesome is not limited to grand gestures or extraordinary achievements. It can be found in the simplest of pleasures and everyday moments. It’s about finding joy in the small things, appreciating the beauty in the ordinary, and living life with a sense of enthusiasm and gratitude.

I’ve always embraced my likes and dislikes, quirks, and certain point of view. Right or wrong, it’s me. What I haven’t always done is present myself that way and be me 110%.

Doesn’t the world need more individuals who have the courage to be unapologetically themselves, to shine their light brightly, and inspire others to do the same? I think so. I want to be one of those awesome people.

I challenge you to embrace who you truly are! Embrace awkward dance moves and indulge in guilty pleasures without fear. Let’s make this world brighter moment by moment!

As Gene Simmons once said, “Life is too short to have anything but delusional notions about yourself.”

Storytelling

I listen to a lot of podcasts.

Some are just one-offs because I like the guest and want to hear more from them, or I hope to get some unique insight into their personality or creative process. Most of the time, I have a list of podcasts I like because of the host, the guests, or a combination of both. Podcasts like Smartless, Inside of You, Literally! and many more are fun distractions when walking the dog or driving in my car. They are literally famous people interviewing other famous people.

Also, as a fan of University of Illinois athletics, I listen to several podcasts covering the Illini, such as The 200 Level, I on the Illini, The Illini Inquirer Podcast, Keeping in Orange and Blue, and others. I like the insight and observations I get with these, and they enhance my enjoyment of watching Fighting Illini sports.

I have other fun podcasts in my queue, such as The Incomparable (geeky media), Seeing Red (St. Louis Cardinals), The Town (Hollywood happenings), and Three Sides of the Coin (KISS) that scratch a particular itch.

However, recently, I learned that producer Rick Rubin has a podcast where he talks to various people from all sorts of backgrounds. I found his podcast called Tetragrammaton¹ and immediately downloaded episodes. Phil Jackson, Owen Wilson, Will Smith, John Mayer, Marc Andreessen, Adam Mosseri, and so many more caught my eye. Knowing how much of a professional wrestling fan Rubin is, the first episode I listened to was his conversation with Paul Heyman.

Heyman is one of the best conversationalists on the planet. He is quick, eloquent, and knowledgeable. They spoke for three hours, and Brock Lesner and Roman Reigns were at the forefront of the discussion. However, it was the conversation about storytelling that made me stop several times and relisten to a section.

My favorite moments comes at 2:46:47 in the conversation. Rubin and Heyman are discussing influences and inspirations from films. Heyman is electric in how he describes the restaurant scene in The Godfather. He describes perfectly what Michael is thinking and feeling via Pacino’s acting in the scene. It is my all-time favorite scene in all of cinema, and Heyman nails it.

Michael Corleone sitting in Louie’s restaurant in the Bronx having been told by Clemenza to come out of the bathroom blasting and he doesn’t come out of the bathroom blasting. He sits back down and now Solozzo is talking and he’s talking in Italian so to the audience, who doesn’t speak Italian, it’s just noise. [Italian sounding words]. You’re sitting going ‘Oh my God I don’t know he’s saying but whatever it is it’s heavy’ and he’s laying it on and he’s talking faster and harsher and angrier. Now the trains coming in and you hear that noise and the camera is shaking ever so slightly and Pacino’s eyes are going left and right because he’s saying, ‘Do I pull the trigger? Do I pull the trigger? If I don’t pull the trigger is he gonna kill me? If I pull the trigger my whole life has changed. I’m a gangster. I’m no longer just a soldier. I’m not a hero.’ This is a war hero. He’s a war hero, this kid, and he didn’t want to get mixed up in the family, and his father doesn’t want him in the family business, but if he doesn’t pull the trigger right now this guy across the table and the dirty cop to his left who broke his jaw are gonna kill his father. He has no choice. He better pull the trigger, but can he pull the trigger? He’s not a gangster. They’re not threatening his very life at this very moment. What does he do? What does he do? And his eyes. And you read his emotions because he’s not sure what to do, but he knows whatever he does this is the defining moment of his life and nothing will ever be the same after this because they’re gonna go kill his father or he’s gonna go kill them. Either way nothing’s gonna be the same and then he gets up and he shoots them both, but it’s the moment before that matters. It’s the emotions that are displayed.

For more context for those of you who have not seen The Godfather, this is the scene he’s describing.

By all means, listen to the podcast. The whole thing is a master class in story and feeling. It’s well worth three hours of your time.

Hot Tubs and Steaks

Last year, my extended family decided to head back to Florida for a much-needed getaway to recharge our weary souls. We were last at the Marriott’s Cypress Harbour Villas in March 2020. As you might imagine, from the date, it ended up as far away as possible from relaxing. Back then, we were constantly worried about catching COVID and had little information to draw from regarding transmission as well as the ramifications if anyone was diagnosed with it.

Luckily, we made it home safely. And then remained there for almost a full year. Returning to Florida this year with high hopes of warm weather, a little bit of fun, and relaxation was exciting, but it turned into an excellent start for 2024.

From the moment we arrived, the gentle breeze and swaying palm trees welcomed us, instantly transporting us into a world of serenity. However, what truly stood out during our stay were the sparkling pools and inviting hot tubs waiting just down the path. Thoughts of snow and ice back home were quickly abandoned.

We spent hours relaxing in the hot tubs and heated pool while sipping cold beverages. Florida in January provided just enough of the sun’s warmth to enjoy the water. The hot tub provided comforting relief that revived our spirits - we lost track of time as we relished in a therapeutic embrace of the water and each other’s company.

While the sun and pool were undeniably inviting, our most memorable vacation moments were those shared with family. We relished a morning brunch and evening meals engaging in lighthearted conversations and laughing together - moments that allowed us to reconnect while strengthening the bonds that time and distance had weakened between us.

Our time in Florida allowed for moments of introspection and reflection, giving me time to contemplate what had passed these last few years and the possibilities that lay ahead. I saw our trip as a catalyst for personal development and renewal.

This Florida retreat gave us a much-needed respite from daily stressors and allowed us to immerse ourselves in morning walks and books. From afternoon showers, gentle palm leaf rustle, and the serenity created by simply getting away - everything felt peaceful, reminding us to enjoy the time together. We played pickleball, watched some college basketball, and forgot about our troubles for a little while.

Our Florida vacation was much more than a simple vacation - it was an extraordinary journey that enabled us to rejuvenate, reconnect, and find inner peace. Every moment spent poolside served as a reminder of the importance of self-care and nurturing our relationships.

As we reluctantly packed up to depart Florida, we carried a renewed sense of purpose and determination to bring its spirit into daily life. Even with plane cancellations and an unexpected drive home from Chicago, everyone in the family needed the time away.

Now it’s time to get back into the swing of things and kick off the new year with energy.